Ramo: The Hopeless Romantic

Dear Omar,

So remember that girl I had told you about? The amazing one? The gorgeous one? The one I found to be special? She rejected me...and it sucked. She said, "I just want to be friends." No weapon in the world could have hurt me more than that. I know that you say, "If you genuinely want to make them happy...then they will be happy being made happy by you." Okay so maybe you never said those exact words but it was something along those lines. But when happens when it doesn't work? What happens when she doesn't want you to be that guy? What happens when being with her used to make you feel on top of the world...to feeling like just another guy that likes her? I thought it was something...and I was happy about it...ecstatic even...but in the end I was alone. Two days...I had two days to feel what it would be like to be with her...as someone special...as someone wanted and cared for...best two days of my life.

Sincerely,
Ramo

A Slave to Temptation

What if you were tempted...everyday...all day? I don't mean tempted by something like a Lamborgini or some other ridiculous fantasy...but something obtainable...something personal...something special. A ghost of memories past begin to take true form and I spill my guts to this purple phantasm. I am truthful...real...and confused. I don't know what to expect (or even if I expect anything)...I don't know what I want...but I do know I don't want anyone to be hurt.

The truth may set u free...but it may destroy someone else. So what do u do? Speak truth and risk a civil war...or stay quiet and remain a slave within a prison of your secret temptations.

I choose the latter. I am the person always looking to save someone...someone who wants happiness throughout the world. So for now...I will take the pain...I will stay enslaved...I will risk my freedom for the happiness of others...just know...whoever u are...where ever u may be...my pain is nothing compared to your happiness.

The Remedy- the Interuption: Alternate Ending

Note: At the end of "Reciprocating: The Remedy" the man and woman lay in bed together wrapped in ecstasy. With that in mind...the story has a short alternate ending with a little humor...enjoy.

*KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK*

She groans at the knocking, "What an awful time for a visitor."

"I know", I replied. "I'm going to go see who it is."

I get out of bed slide into a robe and proceed towards the door.

"Who is it?"

"The police. Open up please."

I couldn't understand why the police were at my house but I guess I was going to find out. I open the door to see two police officers standing with their hands on their holsters and I am nervous.

"Is there something I can help you with officers?"

"Yeah we got a complaint of loud noises coming from this apartment. One of your neighbors said it sounded like domestic violence."

-_-....

Erotic Fiction- "Reciprocating: The Remedy" (Part 2)

This is a continuation of Foreplay: Secret to a Sexy Evening. If you haven't read it please click the link and read. It's always better to read in order =D.

I open my eyes slowly to see her smiling around my waist line. I pull her up towards me and lay with her...staring into her crystal clear eyes feeling warmer as every second passes.

"That was amazing." I said to her as my nose pressed up gently upon hers...my lips inches from hers and our bodies intertwined with one another.

She giggled, "Well thanks. I'm a little out of practice though. I'm glad you couldn't tell."

"What do you mean out of practice?" I asked.

"I don't want to talk about it. I didn't mean to bring it up." She began to slowly push away. I could feel myself losing her and I realized there was a lot about this beautiful woman I didn't know.

I pushed her back into my arms, wrapped my legs around hers and held her until she began to smile.

"I really like you", I told her. "You're the most amazing woman I've met and I don't want you to feel uncomfortable in anyway. When you're ready to talk to me...I'm ready to listen."

She sighed and looked at me. She looked into my eyes like I've looked into her. I can't tell you exactly what she saw but her face brightened up after her gaze and I saw new life in her.

"I feel very comfortable with you", she said. "None of that would have happened otherwise. I'll tell you because I have nothing more to lose at this point." At that moment I felt a little reluctant. I thought she was going to tell me she'd been in jail for the last year or something ridiculous.

"My last relationship wasn't the best. I dated him on and off for a few years. Most recently, we were dating for about a year and a half almost two...but the relationship was flawed. He was an amazing guy. Very caring, supportive, attractive, and best of all he was a great friend."

"What was the issue then?", I asked. "He sounds like a great guy."

"Well the issue was..." She was reluctant to tell me. You could see the this was eating her up inside. "My ex and I weren't intimate for a long time."

"What's a long time?", I asked.

Hesitant she replied, "A few weeks..."

"That's not THAT bad." I hastily replied trying to comfort her.

"Well...It was a few weeks that quickly turned into almost a year. But for seven months straight we didn't do anything. No sex...no kissing...no touching." I was shocked. How could a sexy girl like this be deprived of sex. Who was the asshole not making love to this gorgeous creature.

"Wow...I didn't expect that. I'm sorry. I hope I'm not too forward when I ask you if he cheated on you."

"Well he did before but that's not the reason he wasn't touching me." I was intrigued when she told me this. I figured if your not sleeping with this girl you at the VERY least better be hooking up with someone else.

"I went through his phone. Not something I normally do but I mean after seven months...I needed some answers...and the one's he was giving me were old and tired. So when I checked his phone there were a lot of text messages to Patty. I looked at these text messages and man were they dirty. Patty was was basically telling my ex all the different positions a blow job was possible from. I got very upset and decided to call this bitch from his phone. As the phone rings I'm trying to figure out what I want to say...then all of a sudden in a deep voice.

'Hey baby. I was waiting for you to get ride of that girl and come jump on this di...'"

"ALRIGHT! I got it."

We continued to talk to each other, continued to laugh on a bed of bliss. Seeing her soft smile and her tender eyes sinks my body into comfort. All these feelings are making me thirsty.

"I'm going to get something to drink. Do you want anything?"

She responded smiling, "Yeah, some water would be great. Thanks."

I wrapped a towel around my waist and walked out of my bedroom, around the corner to the kitchen. As I open the door to the refrigerator, I notice ice in the freezer. I've known this girl for a few days...I might want to use the ice for another time.

I grab a glass and pour some water for my parched throat. The cold water runs down my body, cooling down every inch of it until it settles in my stomach, coating it with a sense of relief. I refill the glass with water and walk back to the bedroom where she waits for me.

As I walk into the bedroom with her water she's out of the bed and walking over toward me...slowly...and seductively.

"I changed my mind...I don't want any water...I want some cream."

My eyes opened in amazement at her forwardness...she's a keeper.

"So...you don't want the water then?"

She smiles and throws the glass of water out the room and it lands softly on the carpet...the water spills everywhere. She grabs my towel and rips it from around my waste...throwing it across the room.

"You won't need that", she teases.

She slides her hands across my face and grabs the back of my head pulling my lips onto hers. I grab her her shapely ass and pick her up. Her legs wrap around mine and squeeze with her body screaming for some attention.

I lay her down on the bed slowly...lift my lips from hers...and smile.

"It's your turn."

She smiles in response and bites her lip. I begin to kiss her lips then move down to her neck...kissing and massaging her with my tongue...listening to her moans. My hands roam on her breasts and move slowly down her body...my fingers sliding down her chest...then her stomach...and around her waist...making her shiver.

My lips continue their adventure down towards her supple breasts. My lips cover her erect nipples and my tongue massages them. Her legs shake and her hands grab my head and push me further down. She knows what she wants and she wants it now.

I move down...leaving kisses all over her stomach as i move in between her legs. Her legs, cold and untouched, begin to warm up as my lips begin to explore the soft skin on her thighs. From one thigh to the next, she clenches and gyrates to control her overwhelming feeling to jump up and take control of the situation, but she's mine right now.

Cleanly shaven, I can see the rosy color her lips hold. I massage the outside with my fingers...I hear her squeal. She begins to get very hot as her lips slowly opened and yearned for my tongue. I moved in close to taste her sweet nectar and explore her slice of heaven.

"Eat me..." she moans.

I can no longer deny her what she's been waiting for. My tongue moves further in between her legs, licking her soft and sensually on her thighs as it does. I can see how moist she has become...how hot and ready she is for me to taste her sex. I hold her legs apart as my tongue dives in and massages her sensitive skin. The taste of her skin and her juices are intoxicating. She bucks her hips back and forth with each flick of my  tongue. Her legs wrap around my back and my hands grasp her ample bottom from underneath. I squeeze her...she jerks her hips upwards and pushes herself even further into me. My tongue loose on a rampage...painting a mural in between her...making her sweat...making her quiver. I remove one of my soft hands from under her and slide it up her creamy skin following the heat and wetness in between her. My hand reaches its destination and aids my tongue on its quest for her bliss.

My tongue moves further up to her little pearl and my fingers slip inside her tantalizing, moist cavern. She lets out a loud yelp and firmly grabs my hair. I can hear the whispers of "oh my god!" turn into loud screams as I begin to move faster and faster. I can feel her toes curl up tight...(I move faster)...her back arch...(and faster)...her eyes rolling back...(and faster)...her hands clenching...(and faster)...reaching for that peak...

"OH MY GOOOD!"

I can feel her body shake and tighten up for seconds as I slow down. Her body loosens up and, exhausted, she curls up on the bed giggling and smiling. I lay down behind her...wrapping my arms around her exquisite body and laying my cheek on hers. We lay together...satisfied and wrapped in ecstasy.

(Stay tuned for the finally of this series in months to come.)

The Beach

The beach, for the most part, is a place to go during the summer to beat the heat and do something fun with some
friends. That's the typical reason...I'll share with you mine.

If you haven't figured it out by now with all my talk of nature and stuff, I love the Earth and all its beauties and hopefully will see of much of that beauty as I can before my life comes to an end. Currently I'm in Rochester, NY laying on a green towel, smoking a red hookah with a Peacoat on and a great person to hang with. Looking into the infinite ocean you realize what the world really has to offer. Working the 9-5 jobs, paying bills, and going to school can sometimes hinder you from stopping and really looking at the world we inhabit. None of the things that we have today, computers included, would be possible unless the world didn't provide us with the materials possible for it.

Looking at the ocean's movements...its push and pulls...you can escape for a moment and visualize all the mysteries and amazement that awaits for you past the horizon...beyond the sunset...beyond your daily thoughts. Expand your world...your creativity...your mind.

As I write this on my iPhone I can see the sunset...and the moonrise. I can see the world shift from day to night. The sky to the west is painted with orange, yellow, red and pink. The sunset dims the sky for the rise of the blood moon. In the east the moon, dark red works its way up higher into the sky with each passing minute...becoming lighter in color with each second. I am truly watching life...and that it what the beach is to me...a movie theater for life beauties.

Mobile Blogging from here.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

Foreplay- The Secret to a Sexy Evening (Part 1)

We laugh from our night out together. I take her back to my place to end the night smoothly. I wasn't 100% sure which way I should go about initiating the end of the night event but I figured she was expecting a little sensualism. She probably figured I would go in, have her sit on the couch, dim the lights, get a bottle of wine and enjoy the night. I had a different approach.

*CRASH*

I grab her and pin her into my wall shattering the mirror next to me. She moans with excitement and surprise. She flips me around and pins me to the wall. I laugh and she smiles and says, "You thought you were the only rough one?"

"I did...but now I'm glad I'm not.", I responded. She smiles back at me and pushes up against me and begins to massage my lips with her own. I run my hands down her stomach and wrap around her soft butt. I squeeze her...she moans. She nibbles on my bottom lip and I thrust her body further into mine. She picks one leg up and wraps it around my thigh. I grab the leg lift it slightly and run my hand down her leg, up her thigh and in between her legs. I rub her skin and massage around her vagina slowly...easing her into comfort. Her lips break away from mine. She squirms and moans deeply. Her eyes closed, drowning in ecstasy, while she bites her lip to keep from screaming.

My hand moves to her lace panties and teases her. I rub her softly and slowly through her underwear. My hand goes deeper and pulls her panties to the side and feels the heat coming from in between. My hands on the bottom of her ass rub on her soft lips. She gasps slightly and moans. She grabs the back of my head and pulls me toward her. She finds comfort and control in my lips. She kisses me while she makes her soft noises and rocks her hips back and forth. Her body is screaming for more...so I give it to her. I thrust my finger into her warm, wet center. She yelps and bites her lips. Her face so close to mine I hear her moaning, "Oh yeah!" I massage the inside, around the soft walls and deep inside. One of her hands leaves my head and slides down to my pants. My erect "partner in crime" has been suffocating in his cage...now he's going to be let out.

She rubs the bulge in my pants slowly and firmly. Her warm soft hands creep in between my belt and work their way down my pants and onto my erect penis. She firmly grabs the shaft and rubs it soft and slow. The heat from her hand turns me on and we are both touching each other and we're ready to fuck.

I take her hand out of my pants...I remove my hand from in between her legs. My hands grasp her ample butt and lift her in the air. As I walk towards the bedroom our lips interlock again. She passionately squeezes my body, yearning to be naked and out of the restrains called "clothes". I toss her on the bed and see her on her back and look at her eyes. With a seductive look in her eye and her juicy lips yearning for more...I creep up on the bed slowly...kissing her pedicured feet, then her silky soft legs, then her warm thighs. I sneak in between her legs and teasingly lick her wetness over her soaked panties. She shivers as my tongue massages over her area...and I slowly work my tongue up towards her waist. I begin to kiss her soft, flat stomach while my hands reach her breasts and rub them. I pull the dress off her luscious body leaving her in her sexy lace lingerie.

She sits up...grabs me and flips me
around. Now I'm on the bottom while she takes control. She rips my buttoned shirt off and unbuckles my belt. She smiles slyly at me and begins to kiss me. While straddling me, she unbuttons and unzips my pants. She removes my pants and leaves me in my boxer briefs. She flips my boxer briefs over and out pops her play toy. Her eyes widen at the sight of it and she smiles. She begins to creep further down my body until she reaches the dessert she's been waiting for.

Her mouth feels warm and soft against my shaft. Her tongue massaging the head of my erect masculinity and driving me wild. I grab her hair and follow her heads motions. She runs her hands up my chest and stomach and scratches on her way down. The feeling left me cringing for control.

She begins to move faster and harder. She begins to use her hands along with her mouth and I can barely take it. The waves are rushing through my body and I begin to tingle all over. She makes small moans with each thrust in her mouth and I can hold it in no longer. "Oh shit!"

Perfection.

(Stay tuned for part 2 "The Remedy"..the girl needs some loving too right? =P)

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

Hypocrisy

To those of you that read my blog a lot, I apologize for not having written in a while. There have just been moments of fatigue for me and like Niche said, "even the strongest have their moments of fatigue" and boy have I been fucking fatigued.

Yesterday I was talking with a friend of memories past and thinking of my high school days. Boy did some shit come out. We talked about my earlier life in middle school, junior high, and high school. In middle school and junior high I was short and kinda round. I wasn't exactly the guy girls would look at and be like, "OMG he's so cute. Do you think he likes me?" I was more the guy girls would talk to and say, "OMG...everyone else but you is soo cute. Do you think any of them like me?" It was hard to have real confidence when you're that young and nothing really works for you. You see everyone making out...your fat friends, your geeky friends (yup), your violent friends, and even your best friend. Everyone locked in moments of passion...and you...creepy as shit just stand there and watch and wonder why that's not you. Sigh....4th to 8th grade with that crap.

Then there was high school...and this is where the conversation got interesting. When I got to high school i figured things would be different. People wouldn't really know me and the stigma of me being the short pudgy kid would go away; negative. High school was basically the same shit. Let me explain to you what my problem was. There were gangsters, drug dealers, psychopaths, and ASSHOLES in my high school. ALL of them hooked up with girls. I got my first kiss, at 14, with a girl I actually wanted to kiss...but i fucked that up. Telling someone they taste like chicken after a kiss isn't funny and doesn't help the mood so kids...don't do that shit. What used to really annoy me is the guys that were the biggest assholes in the world getting the hottest girls in school. The reason that people call sexy girl airheads...is because of that shit. When a guy is known for being an asshole...for playing girls...for cheating on girls...for talking shit behind their backs...for blatently being someone dispicable...you probably shouldn't go out with them. Oh what's that dumb pretty girl? Oh you're already dating him? Oh he's different with you? Oh he's calling you? Ok call me back........*Ring ring* Hey that was fast. Oh he broke up with you? He cheated on you? With your best friend? And bragged about it? And your best friend didn't tell you? And your hurt because he didn't seem to care? You want me to make you feel better? FUCK YOU! You should have known what you were getting youself into because everyone told you and frankly if you didn't know what kind of guy he was...you had no business dating him and this is now your punishment. Had you gone out with a guy who doesn't do any of that shit...you'd probably be happy and smiling and if you're really lucky you could be in love but noooo that guy isn't your type. That's because your type of guy has to spit on you in order for you to like him. You enjoy yourself then.

Woo...that felt good =) That was a lot of pent up anger towards girls in general. They go out with public assholes and then complain that they weren't treated right or that they are...what's that?...oh right...ASSHOLES! The hypocrisy is that they want a good guy so bad...and yet they go for all the guys who are exciting and stab people on the weekends for kicks and giggles. I told one girl who I had a crush on this yesterday and she said...well you never stepped up and told me. My response was...would it have made a difference? Would we have dated had I told you how I felt? She had no response...because as much as people don't want to follow the norms of high school...they exist and they subliminally run many high schoolers right into the arms of guys who will simply give them the clap.

Then the miracle happened...I got a real girlfriend and it felt like a real relationship at the age of 16. I tried to be the type of boyfriend I always dreamed of being. She was the first girl I bought a present for, the first to receive flowers (fake but baby steps right?) from me, the first girl I called my valentine. She was the first girl I had sex with and she was the first girl who crushed my itty bitty heart. After dating for 3 months...she decided to tell me she cheated on me with a guy from church. Wow...talk about fucked up. In the end it didn't work out...and we broke up. At that point I didn't think I was ready to be a boyfriend...and that what I had to offer required me to find a girl that I needed to take my time with. Get to know her and figure out what I want. I'm no where near done but some responses would be great. I'll finish this later. Gotta organize some more thoughts. This is a amuse bouche of what is yet to come.

Movie Review: The Last Airbender

Everyone has been asking about this movie and heard that it wasn't that good but won't believe it because it looks amazing. Let's clear this all up right now. The reason it looks amazing is because it does. The special effects are amazing. All the elements and the bending was amazing. Appa looked great in "realistic CG", Momo look really cool too. Avatar state was pretty sick although i wish his eyes were open and not closed so we could see more blue light but that's just a little gripe. I'll put it in terms everyone can understand: The Last Airbender was a sexy 22 year old girl with a banging body who has a Pre-K education.

I am a huge fan of the show. It is rare to find a show today that combines teamwork, heart, courage, and great action all in one without it being corny. The show was amazing and if you haven't seen it...SHAME ON YOU! The show really isn't just for kids and has a great story to it. One of the things that made the show amazing was the premise and how in depth the story really went in immersing you into the world of bending. The characters and story were so iconic you really could visualize or relate to the story on a personal level. The show also included great twists and turns in it that kept everyone on edge and excited to see what happens next. Everything of what was right with the TV show...was wrong with the movie.

I understand that a movie cannot bring the exact same feel to the big screen. There is no way in hell that 20 half hour episodes would completely and seamlessly translate into a two hour movie (maybe three hours but you need James Cameron for that). I can appreciate that because you can't fit everything into one movie you must change around some things. I can also appreciate that we can't see Aang or Katara or anyone of the benders bending in every scene at all times like we did on the show. That's WAY too much money. These are all things that must be taken into account when watching any "live action" movie version of ANYTHING. With all that said...M. Night Shyamalan really dropped the ball.

If you were a fan or at least watched the show you'll know that one of the greatest things about the show was the comradery and the group dynamic that Aang, Soka, Kitara, Appa and Momo had. There was NONE of that in this movie. They were together for maybe...20min of the movie. While watching the movie, it felt really rushed. They fast forwarded through fight scenes sometimes, did a lot of voice over narration and simply didn't connect any of the characters together. The only two characters that had a deep connection that you felt were Soka and Princess Yuei and I really think that's only because they kissed. There were simply too many holes and too many flaws to really put a recommendation into the movie. Not to mention that the 3D was a gimmick. If your making a movie in 3D then start it in 3D. Don't convert it afterwords because that's the thing to do. It's annoying and your shitting on your own movie. 3D is not worth it. If you have nothing else to watch I guess check it out but frankly...you should rent it from the $1 boxes at the grocery store because it's not worth full price. I feared this was going to happen with Shymalan as the director but I had high hopes. My hopes were shattered. I feel like a fat kid who was excited at seeing an Ice Cream store...stopped at it...and found out the ice cream had all melted and spoiled. I left the theater upset and pensive about what were the good parts about the movie and all I could think of was...seeing Appa in CG and the bending. Nothing else was really good. Worst of all...had that not been based on a TV show...the movie still would not have been that good. Sigh...How depressing. It was a HIGHLY anticipated movie that was shot to hell. Save your money and you save your souls. Don't go see this movie in theaters...period.

PS. If you watched the show...you know what happens at the Northern Water Tribe against the Fire Nation. Yeah...not so much in the movie. It was something I wanted to see but got robbed again.

Any questions or further elaboration don't hesitate to comment or message.

Donation

I got my first donation today for $40. Thank you to that person. You have officially made my writing feel like it's going somewhere. =) I will continue to write to my heart's content and I will also be starting a YouTube channel for movie reviews. Please make sure you are all following me here on blogspot and when the youtube channel is ready ill link it here. Any suggestions please don't hesitate to email me at movieman1213@gmail.com.

-Artoom

Life: Realism Lived in Abstraction

My life, or what I choose to take with me, is in this Photo Journal. My life didn’t begin to change until the end of high school and boy did it change. With the end of high school brought the beginning of college and I knew things would never be the same. This is not the end or even a complete journal...but these were pictures I found and marked eras in my life.




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A picture of memories of long ago…of a time with no responsibilities and no difficult choices. Where days were riddled with questions like, “Does Jane like John?” and “Where is our field trip too?” Innocent ignorance blankets the world of high school and its wonderful memories.

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A day of celebration, a day of mourning

A life lived for four years brought to a halt

By the words, “Congratulations, you are a high school graduate”

These days seem so far away

These days seemed so easy

I woke up the one morning with the question,

“Wow was I dreaming?”


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College is new and so much is happening

I took one look at her and went right to smiling

She looked at me with her warm eyes

Thawed a heart from the deepest abyss of pain

Took my head with her soft sensual hands and with

One kiss from her soft lips…I was in love.

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Another year gone, another year older

I stand by my brother’s side while his wife at his shoulder.

A whole family made from two torn apart.

A new life ahead…we’re all eager to start

He’s the man I wish to be...type of woman too

One day it will be me as I say to my future wife, “I love you”.
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I know who I am and I know who I’m not but life isn’t as simple as that. This is my last picture. Time swiftly passes and as one day ends, a new one begins and so does a new topic of life. Life is ruthless and without mercy. It will not hesitate to leave you in a corner, hungry, homeless, and without a family. Which way do I go? Which way is right? Do I only get one chance? What if I mess up? Why must life be so political? Why must it be so technical? Why must the only life one leads be spent slaving to barely afford to take care of your family. When is it too late to turn back? These questions form my life maze. And for now…this is where I am. This is where I’m trapped and my freedom lies only in my prison.

Assumptions: Tears of Lovers

HIM

It rains. I stand on her lawn looking up. Water drops smack my head outside of her house. I love her. She hates me.

She looks outside. My body get wetter and darker each second I am alone. She gazes out the window deep into my eyes. I leer right back. I walk across her lawn closer to her second story window. I look directly up at her and endure the barrage of water bombarding my eyes. My eyes are submerged in water and everything looks wet. Her eyes look wet...but she is inside. The rain isn't making her eyes wet…sadness is. She misses me. I miss her.

I mouth, “I love you”. She does nothing but stare. I move closer to her house feeling the soft, wet Earth bend to my heartbroken feet. The Earth cushions my hard steps and supports my love.

“Baby, please! You’re the only woman in the world I want to spend my life with!” She is silent. She is not human. No human could watch my heart bleed for love and stay silent. She moves.

She walks away from her window. My heart shatters. It is no longer bleeding. I am no longer in pain. I am numb. My heart doesn’t concern her. I came to fix our love and instead I leave a man no longer capable of love. My heart belongs to her. She has taken it and stomped on it with stiletto heels. She will have her wish. I will leave. I will free her from my burden.

It’s cold. I walk back across the lawn. I feel unbalanced. I am unbalanced. I fall over and smash my face into the floor. I pick my head up and look around. My foot suck into the ground. The Earth gave up on me too. I pick myself up. I am wet, cold, heartbroken, numb, and now dirty all for a girl who wants to stare…not love. My head down, I walk down the reliable, hard concrete. Face streaming with small rivers of rain and tears. She broke up with me.



HER

I love him. He is the man I love. I am scared of losing that love. He thinks I am perfect. I am not. He thinks we are meant for each other. He is meant for someone better than me. I look outside at him wet in the rain and I don’t know what to say. He stares at me mouthing I love you. He lies. He can’t love someone like me. I am not beautiful. I am not smart. I am not funny. I am flawed.

He’s getting closer to my house. I think he's going to my door but I will meet him. He looks so sad. I am not worthy of these tears. He should be with someone more beautiful.

I can’t wait to see his beautiful face. I want to hold him. I want to marry him. I must apologize. I should have said something to him. I just stared. Gosh I'm so stupid. He’ll understand because he loves me. He is amazing. He is waiting for me.

I open the door and...wait...where...where is he? I walk outside in the rain. It’s cold. I'm cold. He left me. He did what I knew he would do. He moved on. He is in love with someone else, someone better than me.

My heart yearns for his. The rain makes me heavy. My heart fills with sadness and drains the heat from my body. I am cold. I am alone. My skin is wet. The rain washes my face clear of the glossy tears. I will not hold him…I will not marry him…I will never see him again. He broke up with me.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

Donation

I just put up a new donation button on my page. Its at the bottom of the page below the "table of contents". If you like what you read and can offer a donation I would be most appreciative of it. =) I'm a poor college student looking to continue writing and entertaining those of you who like my page. If not thanks for reading anyway and make sure you are clicking the "follow" button and commenting on my posts. Thanks again.

-Artoom

Living With Regret

There was a man who had a wife. She was beautiful from head to toe. He was a poor candle maker and found it very hard to live comfortably. One day his wife becomes pregnant and they rejoice.


“We are going to have a baby!” said the wife.


“Yes! I can barely believe it. Hopefully a beautiful boy! We make room for the baby. He will need clothes, food…a crib……constant attention.” The more the man thought about a baby, the more he realized how expensive one will be. He already had no money and with a new mouth to feed, it was a matter of time before he was in debt.


The next day, the man set out to sell his beautiful candles in the market to hopefully make some money. The market was full of men and women selling goods to people who could afford it. He tried to sell his candles but had awful business sense. He made gorgeous candles but ended up going home with less money than he started out with in his pocket.


“How did it go honey?”, asked the wife.


“Awful. I have nothing to show for a day wasted at that blasted market! If only I knew what I was doing wrong!”


“It’ll get better sweetheart. I know it will.” The man’s wife laid her head on his shoulder and gave him a hug. He shrugged her off.


“NO! It won’t just get better! We have a baby coming and I can barely support us! You should have just married a duke or a prince.”


“But then I wouldn’t be in love.” said, the calm wife.


“Well I’m not in love! I’m living each day with worries and regret. I can no longer do this.


The man looked at his wife with piercing eyes and unrelenting anger as she looked back with tears.


“I’m going for a walk.” The man stormed out of the house as quickly and as angry as he had entered.


He walked and walked…and walked until his surroundings became unfamiliar.


“I must have walked outside the town. How great would it be if I could just leave everything behind a simply keep walking to my heart’s content. No responsibilities and no worries in the world. That would be the greatest thing in the world. I wish I could have that.” With those words, the wind howled as it picked up and dust attacked the man and created a figure of a man next to him.


“Ahh…So you want to be free?” Said the sly dust man.


“What!? Who are you?” screamed the frightened man.


“Of course, my apologizes. I am Terger. I can help you with your problem. I am a powerful sorcerer and I can help you leave your responsibilities behind.”


“I couldn’t leave my wife. She would be devastated.”


“She won’t know. I’ll make it so you never existed and you can go on about your life living it the way you want.” Terger waved his hand around creating sparkles in the sky trying to impress the conflicted candle maker.


“Really? What do you want in return?”


“I want you to simply live your life and be happy.”


“Hmm…that sounds kind of fishy. Really. What’s the catch?” asked the suspicious man.


“No catch. You will live as if you never existed and I shall live as your opposite.” The sly Terger grinned as he said this and had his hands up…waiting to execute his magic.


“I need to know that my wife will be okay.”


“Don’t worry. Your wife will be well taken care of. [Ha ha…]”


“Well then. Let’s do it!” the man smiled with joy as his dream of a life with no responsibility was about to begin.


“Wonderful. Here is your wish.”


SHAZAM!


Sparkles and twinkles lit up the sky and the man began to feel strange. He felt a loss in his world and grasping on to reality was difficult.


As the twinkles faded he began to touch his arms and legs to make sure he was in one piece.


“That felt weird.” said, the man. “But I look okay and I feel good too.”


“Wonderful. I’m glad I could help. Goodbye.” Said Terger with a sly look on his face.


“Wait! Will I ever see you again?”


“I suppose once you discover your “true” self you will seek me out. Until then.” Terger whipped around in a circle and disappeared where he stood.


The man excited about his new life began to walk farther than he ever had.


He reached his first new city and walked in. He saw the market filled with gold, silver, food from distant lands.


“My town was poor and I never would have realized what the world had to offer until just now. Thank you Terger!”


Days went by and the man saw many new things but felt strange. He did not feel as complete and satisfied as he thought he would have. He felt alone. He realized he had not talked to a single soul or slept since he met Terger. What’s more, he realized that his life was empty without the girl he loved. He left for home to ease his aching heart. When he came to the door he tried to open it, but he couldn’t.


“What is going on?” said the man.


He walked around his house and peered in through the window. There he saw a sight that made him weary. Terger was in his home with his wife. He yelled at Terger through the window.


“TERGER! COME OUT HERE YOU LIAR!”


The wife moved not an inch but Terger looked at the window and gave a cunning grin and walked outside.


“Ah so you finally realized your “true” self? Did you figure out where your heart lies?”


“Yes! Please. Reverse this. I don’t want this anymore.”


“But I do. I am exactly what you believed your life to be. I was non-existant in your life until you willed me here. I am Regret…in the flesh. Now live with your wish while I live in mine.”


The man dumbfounded by his decision walked away to see the world…alone.

A Hazy Dream Bringing Life Into Focus

Bruce: I’m scared.

Batman: I’m not.

Bruce: How is that possible?

Batman: We are the same. We are two sides of a whole…two faces of the same coin.

Bruce: If we are the same person…using the same mind…how can we be so different.

Batman: We aren’t different at all. I am…what you want to be. I am…what you need to be: an immovable object.

Bruce: I don’t know if you are who I want to be. You’re a cartoon…fiction. You aren’t real and the things you do are impossible. How do you think we can ever be one?

Batman: Look at my character. You know who I am. You saw me as a child…imprinted me as your hero…and you still don’t know why I am your favorite? You don’t know why after 16 years of watching me on TV and movies and reading about me in comics and stories I have made such an everlasting impact in your life?

Bruce: (confused) I…I don’t! Do you know what kind of loon I must be? I’m 20 years old and still thinking about superheroes. Shouldn’t I be over this by now? Why is this happening to me?

Batman: Calm down. Think. Think about all that I am…think about all that you are. Since you were a boy you’ve wanted to not be like me but why? Why like me? Think.

Bruce: You help people. But I can’t. I’m nobody. I am simply another existing person on the planet Earth; nothing more, nothing less.

Batman: No! You are obviously lost…but you are not “a nobody. You will always be what you allow yourself to be. Restrict yourself to being “a nobody” and that’s exactly what you’ll be.

Bruce: I can’t be you. I’m a scared guy who doesn’t want to face reality.

Batman: STOP BEING SCARED! EVERYONE DEALS WITH REALITY DIFFERENTLY! You have my help. Now…Who am I? Take away the cape and the cowl and look at my character. Tell me who I am!

Bruce: You help people. You are strong. You are fearless. You fight for those who can’t. You stand up for justice, equality, and truth. You are vengeance…you are the night…you are Batman.

Batman: That’s right. If that’s what I am…that must also be…who you are.

Bruce: You’re right. I know now. We are two opposed sides. We are incomplete. Separate we are two extremes. I am too weak…and you are too headstrong and aggressive. Together we complete each other. Together we are strong and immovable. Together…we are ME.

(Wakes Up)

Omar: (Drowsy) Was I just Bruce Wayne? That’s going to be an interesting story to write about.

Car Rides

If you've ever had good friends you'll know what I'm about to talk about. Simply sitting in a car outside someones house...with the music turned up singing "Lady Antebellum" (ugh) can be extremely fun. If you need the ingredients for a good time here they are:
1. Good friends: this means that you can be yourself around them and do stupid shit. Normally, doing stupid shit...people stare laugh and that's cool...but great friends...unique friends...they join you =)

If you were expecting a long list of things you need to have a good time then you need to evaluate your meaning of a good time. You know you have good friends when you do nothing...your doing something. Keep that in mind.

Sometimes I feel like I have two lives: one in buffalo and one in NYC...but thanks to my great friends everwhere I feel like myself all the time.

Inspiration for this post came from the current car ride in progress with Hadie, Chery and Daisy...but to the rest of my true friends...your a big part of my sanity and a neccessity in life.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

AMAZING FAN ART PAINTING!

You all know that I am a huge Batman fan. I saw these pictures and HAD to put them up. The artists name is Andy Jones from the UK. He is an extremely talented artist and this is his website. Go check him out and give him his props. Amazing job.

Thank You

I started this blog for no reason in particular. Writing are one of the best things in my life and I will do it for the rest of my life. I know people read this from time to time...maybe not a lot but I do want to say thank you to those of you that do. I really appreciate you taking the time out of your day to read what I've written. It means a lot that your interested in what I have to say and enjoy the things that I write. Please don't be afraid to write me, leave comments, or find me on Facebook. I like people reading my stuff but I enjoy feedback even more. It's one thing to write...but it's another to see how it impacts people. I want to improve my writing with each piece but I need your help to do that.

Once again...thank you for reading and I hope I continue to entertain you for a while. =)

-Artoom

NYC

Driving along the highway by yourself you have a lot of time to think. I thought about life, people I care about, and things that matter most to me (all while trying to not fall asleep). As I was performing songs by Robin Thicke, Ludacris, and the Black Eyed Peas, with a whole lot of people watching me as I sped past them, I simply wondered...what's my life look like? I know what my goals are, and what I want to do with my life...but the problem is getting there. It's something I think about from time to time, but when you're out on the road by yourself, you tend to dredge up these feelings.

With my EZpass in place, I saw the exit for the George Washington Bridge. A feeling of repetitiveness came over me and I wasn't really excited to go home. I drive my car through the toll, (which I may have gone to fast through...hope I didn't skip it) and get on the GWB. Some traffic caused me to slow down a bit and also caused me to realize...I was home. I looked to the right and saw NYC from a perspective I haven't taken the time to see in a long time. NYC is a beautiful city filled with unique attractions, sights, sounds, smells, and experiences. It's expensive, sure, but I'm beginning to think what you pay extra for...is the experience. Getting a hot dog on 42nd...it's gonna cost you, but it's a NYC experience. Go get you and your boy/girlfriend drawn downtown by the Asian cartoonists. It's funny, a little pricey, but it's an experience you never forget...

There's someone who I can't wait to see visiting me in NYC in a few weeks. She's visiting NYC for the first time and I've promised her an experience she won't forget. I'm thinking the Natural History Museum, Central Park (if it's not thunder storming), a trip on the subway (wear a bullet proof vest), Empire State Building, Rockefeller Center and SO MUCH MORE!

I take NYC for granted a lot because I've grown up here and I've seen mostly everything...but I'm starting to realize...it's not what you see...it's how you see it and with you. Make every memory count and every day special. Now to go take my own advice.

Blue's Lyrics

The format for a blues lyrics was quite specific: 3 lines in an A-A-B structure
A line - statement of the problem / difficulty
A line - restatement with the same words
B line - a solution / acceptance with the last word of B line rhyming with the last word of the A lines.
Here some examples:

A: My part-time job is really bad
A: Yah, my part-time job is really bad
B: Better get a copy of the classified ad. (Note how "ad" rhymes with "bad"?)

These are mine:

Verse #1
You look at me and see a boy
Why girl, do you look at me and see a boy
I'll take your hand kiss your lips and be a man you can enjoy.

Verse #2
I've turned into the man I never thought I'd be
Oo girl, I've turned into the man I never thought I'd be
But I'm ready to step up and move all my life's debris.

It's actually kind of fun. You should try it and if you want, post it on the comment section.

Order in the Court Room!

You are on trial as a performing artist for violating government imposed censorship. Write a paragraph TO THE JURY defending your actions.

Ladies and gentleman of the jury: today I am on trial for "violating government imposed censorship" while performing. I am on trial for expressing my beliefs, my feelings, and my soul. Performing is something that I love to do and many people love to watch me and support me. I am here because I have done or said something to upset the government, who is in fear of my music making an impact on people. They may say that the message is bad, they may say that my music is bad and like Plato said before them, "...bad music should be controlled or banned so as not to divert people from the good life..." With all due respect Plato, what good life? We are living in a tough time, surrounded by violence, greed, poverty, all of which branched off from human error. With that in mind, who decides what music is good or bad? Who decides who's lives are dictated by a group of socialist power-mongers? We are the United States of America, the most greatest and most powerful country in the world, and like every other American, I am proud to be an American...but I am not proud of my government. When a government, in there $10,000 suits, dictate and stamp forms to control a country, a people from expressing themselves, that is not a government I can be proud of. There was a government who did something very similar to what it happening to me now: Stalin's control over Russia. He was a great music lover, but when music he didn't like was created, he made sure it was snuffed out just as quickly. Anything to cover up the true indecencies in his country so that he could run his country believing it was superior. He was ignorant to the trials and tribulations of his country and that it why people rebelled and fought to be creative, stared death in the face for a composition, and even took a bullet to the heart for a play. Are we the same as Stalin? Is our government going to shut me up and condemn me for performing when rapists, murders and thieves escape jail on technicalities? Is our government going to be just as ignorant and naive to the true state of our country? Does the government really think locking me up will end the performing to showcase the real America? They are wrong. To lock me up will make me a political activist. I am fighting for our country by performing for people to enlighten them about our current struggles. In closing, ladies and gentleman of the jury, you have the power to decide what type of people you are, what kind of American you are. Are you the type who is willing to stand up and fight for truth, justice and the American way? Or will you conform to the demands of a government who is too arrogant and blind to realize that I am trying to help? The choice is yours. I don't know what your decision will be but I do know what Stalin would do...I hope you don't agree with him. Thank you.

What lies ahead for the future?

Have you ever thought about doing something people couldn't ever see you doing? Have you ever felt that you wanted to do something different, something that would really pump your blood, something, you feel, is actually worth learning? Over the last year or so I've watched UFC religiously. The technical aspects of this sport really intrigue me and have led me to learn things on my own little by little. Former light heavyweight UFC champion, Chuck Liddell, started me on this feeling of new discovery. Watching him fight was amazing. Watch a fight and look into the eyes of the fighters. They are no longer themselves, they are something else...something more.  For a brief period, it's two Gods fighting in an octagon surrounded by mortals. We, the audience, stare in awe and amazement at the things they do; the slipping and sliding, the bombs thrown using just their hands, the positions they put themselves into with perfect execution, the fire burning inside them for, at most, 25min.

I am not a fighter, nor have I ever been, but I want to be. I have a plan. Some feedback about this would be helpful. I love writing, but I have another fantasy, to learn Mixed Martial Arts. Why can't I put those two together? What I want to do is take mixed martial arts classes next semester for one semester and write about my experiences. The good, the bad, and even the ugly (I'll post any bruises I get). It is definitely 4:30am but I just had to write for a little bit, and now I have.

Is Evil Real?

DISCLAMER: This is kind of a disturbing story...but it's based on a true event.

     Red and blue lights illuminate the dark night and sirens wail as cop cars are in high speed pursuit with a man holding his wife and child hostage. They rush down the highways with no regard for human life, swerving in and out of traffic. The man, tightly holding the steering wheel with both hands, catches the falling drops of sweat with his arms with each sharp jerk to avoid the cars he is blowing past. His teeth clenched, adrenaline racing, and mind a mess with his wife screaming bloody murder in the seat adjacent to him and his baby boy crying his soul out in the seat behind him. A man solely responsible for creating fear and panic in those he loves has gone off the deep end and threatened the life of his “bitch” of a wife. The man, confused and panicked, pulls off the highway, but the back of his car hits a rail just before an exit sending his car into a tailspin. The cops see this and slow down, keeping away from the weaponized spinning car, and hope that when it comes to a stop, everyone will be ok. The man’s out of control car falls into a ditch with amazing speed and glass breaks, the car flips, rolls, and comes to a crashing halt. The police rush to the aid of the assumed injured people, but it was their worse fear. The man had done what he meant to do in the first place; he killed his wife. The wife, in the passenger seat, had been killed by the force of the destructive crash and had the look of fear burned into her lifeless face. The man was unconscious, but he was alive and in critical condition and was taken away by EMS. “Where is the baby?” said officer #1. The police knew that a baby was in the car with the man and his wife, but he was no longer in the car. Obviously the baby was incapable of leaving on his own, so where could he have gone? The police search the surrounding area with no luck. Officer #2, just as farfetched, leaned against a tree adjacent to the man’s destroyed car, and pondered the location of this missing infant. Not two seconds later, the officer felt rain drops coming down, but they were a little warmer and heavier than what he normally associates with rain. He looks at his face and arm, and the rain is red. He jerks his head upward and sees the devilish shadowy outline of the bare October trees but no rain, no magic cloud, nothing. He takes out his oversized flashlight, turns it on and illuminates the shadows. He slowly creeps the bright light up the tree he was leaning on, seeing nothing but cold frosted bark. He creeps up even more to the claws of the shady tree, and his stomach backflips, his saliva disappears, and his heart begins to hurt. He says nothing and stares into the tree and his eyes redden and build tears as his face weakens and begins to sink. Officer #1 sees the distraught officer and wonders what’s wrong. He follows the beam of light emanating from officer #2’s flashlight right into the heart of the tree. There he saw something that would remain in his memories forever; the baby was skewered into the tree. The baby had been chucked from the open rear window, during the tailspin and barrel roll, and was impaled by this now infamous tree. Officer #2 dropped his flashlight, ran to the fire truck that came with EMS and screamed for a ladder. With a ladder setup, officer #2 hurriedly went up the tree and reached the baby. Unlike the mother, the baby looked peaceful in his eternal sleep. With his face blue from the cold, his tears frozen to his little cheek, and a bloody hole in his little chest, officer #2 carried the baby down sobbing. EMS took the baby from the officer and sped away in the ambulance, but he had already been dead for too long. Officer #1 comforted officer #2 but nothing could take away that horrible image…nothing. Now ask yourself, does evil exist in the world?

Closet Romantic

I haven't wrote in a while because I don't know how to write down what is going in my head. There is something however that I wanted to get out. Today, while hanging out with my friends, we all came to the realization that I am a closet romantic. Most people know me with the reputation as a freak, someone who "uses girls", and as someone who just wants to fuck. Let me try and explain how I work...frankly because I need to get out what I've been thinking about. Let's officially set the record straight...I am a freak. I love sex and I love having sex a lot and I'd like to think I'm good at it. I like to hook up with more than one girl at a time..because girls are people and just like normal human beings, different people have a lot to offer and I love different experiences. This all happens when I am single. I am not against relationships but I will not settle for just "a girl"...I will only get with someone that is extremely special to me. I've dated two people in my life...they didn't work out but I do not regret any time that I spent with them. It allowed me chances to experience new things in my life and it also allowed me to realize what i really want in a relationship and the type of boyfriend and man I want to be. I will always have some feelings for my ex girlfriends...mainly because there are memories that I can't erase...but the only reason I experienced them with those girls is because there was something about them that made it about something more than just sex. I remember there was a comment made about me, "The only reason he has his girlfriend is because he wants sex." Time to clarify more: I don't need a girlfriend to have sex...I'm perfectly capable of having sex with girls that I enjoy spending time with. I choose to have a girlfriend when I find that girl that I would love to include in part of my life...someone who makes life better just because we are together. Anyone who's slept with a girl before knows that when you wake up next to them, that first look at her eyes...is the telling one. If you actually look her eyes and see something more than the color...that's when you know you really found something more than a "fuck buddy". Sex is a big deal to me...but it's not a deciding factor in choosing a girlfriend (although, truthfully, I don't think I would be able to be in a relationship with someone who didn't have sex). If I can have sex regardless of a relationship, then sex obviously wouldn't really be the reason that I would go through the twists and turns of a committed, real relationship (which is what I treat my relationships as). There is someone that is very important to me...but she's too far for me to do anything about it. I realize that when I have my mind set on a girl that is extremely special to me, I act differently that I would normally with a girl...but that's because I feel different around her...I feel real. I love the wining and dining, looking at stars and constellations, making the girl, who makes me feel special, feel special too. I've made some messed up choices, which was fucked up towards the girls, but I've realized them and tried my best to repeat them. I don't know exactly what I wrote down but I've released some of the issues rummaging around in my head.

Apparently...A Person CAN Run Through Your Head All the Time

I haven't talked to her in a long time...and I miss her. I miss the calmness she gave me, the caring she showed, and the fun we always had together. Seeing my phone go off and seeing her face is the second best feeling in the world but the best feeling is knowing that she's happy. But I haven't really talked to her in so long that I can't really know how she feels. I know that she's been going through a lot of relationship issues lately and all I want is for her to keep that smile on her face. A lot has been changing in my life. Maybe I'm at the point in my life where I realize that what I put stock in when I was younger won't exactly be there for me later down the line. These last few months have been full of disappointment and sadness. It almost feels like one of those "life trials" in which i would have to overcome my obstacles instead of avoiding them. I hope I hear from her soon and I hope she's doing well...this...was just an entry of one day of everyday that I miss her.

Clarification

A couple of nights ago, I wrote a post out of frustration and, i guess, self pity. Sometimes I really have to think about my life and what's really important to me. Sometimes I forget that even though I feel a certain way about someone, doesn't mean that the person I care about, feels the same way about me. In a way I automatically assume that most of them do feel the same way about me, although that is a bit egotistical. When it counts though, I wish I could have the one person that I want.

Random Rambling Thoughts at Jim's Steakout

Life presents itself in the weirdest ways. Sitting in this cold ass car...attempting to warm myself...I realize that there are people who will change the course of history for you. Every person encounters people who make the greatest impacts in someone's life and alters what might have been at that very moment. Sometimes it may present itself in the form of a business opportunity, a friendship, and best of all love. In my case, a woman...excuse me...THE woman...would be the greatest find in the world. A job can satisfy a person, a best friend is a great find but a common one. THE woman...the perfect one...is rare and unique. To find her would be greater than finding Atlantis, greater than world peace, greater than replenishing the Ozone layer, greater than all the money in the world. The eyes that glisten in the light and illuminate the dark. She makes you a better person everytime your together and even everytime you think about her. Her gaze melts the ice from a cold day but her smile melts the frost wrapped around your frigid heart. The silky hair slides seamlessly through your fingers as they end...cupping the side of her face gently...holding her head while embracing a warm perfect kiss from a perfect girl with soft perfect lips. In my embrace she fits like the last piece of the 1000 piece puzzle which is always impossible to find. Have you ever looked up at a rainbow and marveled at its beauty? How the colors blend in together making a magnificent stream of vibrant colors to create one of the most beautiful natural acts in all of the cosmos. Did your ever stare at one and realize its beauty is nothing compared to the beauty of the one you love? Did you ever feel the vibrancy fade from your heart when the one you love...doesn't love you? Did you ever feel...alone?

FML...

Exactly what have I done...to warrant getting kicked while I'm down. Bad news on top of hopeless fantasies. The moon that you'll never grab out of the sky...the stars that twinkle tears from distant galaxies. Whats interesting is the girl that I care for the most...I've talked to the least in the last few years...and yet I know her the best. You ever sat down and really think about connections that you've made in the past and how they've sort of drifted apart...The few things that I've come to love about my past...and they're crumbling beneath me. I look for things to hold on to, faith that things will work out...but I just bask in hurt. I feel like bugs bunny on the train tracks. I see myself in the shit but obviously Ima be ok...everything will work out...BANG!...train ran me the fuck over...Doctor...am I gonna live? Well...ur pretty messed up...looks like a girl was driving that train...FML!

Just Second Best...

Ever felt that you were someone's number two? It sucks...it's not the best feeling in the world...and admittedly I put myself in that position a lot in order to keep myself at a distance from running into "relationships" that I'd rather just keep at a "hooking up" level. At the same time though...there are the select few, that I wish I wasn't second best, that I want to put them at the top of my list. I want to be loved and to love someone. When you get shoved to the side...for someone else...it's an awful feeling. In the end I do want the people that I truly care about to just be happy, no matter what that means, but sometimes, I just wish that one of them was happy with me. =(

HER

Have you ever met someone that you felt so close to. Someone that just filled the hole in that empty space? This post is different than others because...my mind is different than normal right now. She is beautiful, she is amazing, she is smart, and she is perfect. What more can someone ask for? I really can't right much about HER right now bcause i am going to sleep and staying awake is harder than actually writing. I miss her with every inch of me...and i didnt get to talk 2 her tonight. She completes the night for me and when i dont talk 2 her its like space without the stars, infinitely empty. I hope people find those that they should be with and hold on to them. There are few reasons that people shouldnt be together and if they are not one of them, dont fuck up. Go after the person you care about and make them happy. It's the best feeling in the world to make the person you care about the most smile when their situation doesnt allow them to on their own. I really can't stay awake anymore but i will leave you with this. Care for those you can, love who you must, and speak to who you want. Life can pass by quick, but the question is....will you let it?

Memories oh memories!

I just feel like writing now, but talking to someone recently, makes me a tad bit inspired. I'm sure I've said this in other posts (if not then your hearing it now), real friends are hard to come by. Sometimes people lose touch and it does happen. You want to know the best way to tell what kind of friends you are after a time apart...start talking to them again, and is there any sense of distance? Can you talk to them like you never left? I've known two people like that in  my life so far. I don't exactly like to "keep in touch" per say but I'll say "hi" every now and again...drop you a facebook comment...even a text or two. There are some people though who leave such an impact on you that you want to talk to them as much as possible.

I'll share a tad bit about who I'm talking about without saying any names. In 7th grade I met this girl at the end of the school year. I don't remember much about why I was in her class room, seeing as how it was a 6th grade class, but I do remember her. She had hair up to her shoulders, geeky glasses, and navy sweat pants with a blue polo. At first all I saw was her ass...frankly because she was turned away from me...taking down work from the wall as the year came to a close. Obviously that was kind of the point where I looked at her for the rest of the package. She turned around and I was fairly surprised. I go through a series of criteria for girls that are really worth my time and effort.

1: Confidence: the way you carry yourself is important...if you look like you don't mean shit...there's not much I can say.

2: Smile: You could be a Maxim cover model...but if your smile makes me throw-up a little...you are no longer attractive.

3: Humor: I like laughing, I like smiling, so the girl has to have a sense of humor...obviously.

I met this girl and all these things were met. She walked like nothing mattered (a little tomboy walk :-P), she had a great smile and she was witty with a great sense of humor. Jackpot.

We hung out some of my senior year of junior high...but I'm not sure why I never asked her out. I look back on it now and it's probably because I was a puss back then but regardless...it never happened. She was one of the good one's though. In high school we talked every now and again, but she had a boyfriend and after a time, we grew further apart. I thought about her sometimes and missed the conversations we used to have. I really didn't have any balls back then though because she lived, literally, two blocks from me...and I think I only saw her like...once or twice outside. We took the train in the morning on the way to our respective high schools once in a while. I went out of my way to take the local train which made me late sometimes...but I didn't care...I liked spending time with her.

Then she moved away...wtf. She went from being 20 seconds from me to 20 minutes. Now 20 minutes may not seem like an issue but it was in NJ. It's kind of a bitch to get over there...that and my mother didn't want me going to NJ (told you I was kind of a puss). I wanted to visit her but I never did.

Then I went off to college. Now we were really far away from each other, but by these time...we barely talked anymore. We had our cordial conversations every so often, but we were drifting further apart. I always wanted to be her friend. I wanted to be there when she needed someone for whatever reason but distance didn't help matters. She got into another relationship and I was happy for her. I got into a relationship myself and things were going great for the both of us...but that's when we really lost touch.

Recently, after months of her being gone from the internet world...and NEVER texting me back, she magically appeared on AIM. We started talking again...and it was like no time had passed at all. We joke, we talk about our lives, and I'd like to believe we both genuinely like talking to each other. I've known her since I was 12 years old, and we're still great friends to this day. I can tell her anything and I know that I have fun with her. I consider her one of my best friends.

To the man that has everything...and nothing

I've been very fortunate throughout my life. I've met some wonderful people, had a caring family, made great friends in the past and some have become best friends in the present, and have succeeded where many have failed. I have a car, a "job", some materialistic things, a good head on my shoulders, and a demeanor that I  am proud to have grown into. All my life, the luck that I had makes me the person I am today, and for that I am grateful.

Girlfriends were something of a touchy subject with me. The idea of a girlfriend presents itself with a wide array of positives but like anything, an abundance of negatives as well. The one thing I miss about a relationship is the connection. I miss being able to talk to someone I love and feel complete and utter comfort. I like to mess around with girls but I started thinking: Do I have all this sex to fill a void where love should be present? I realize, there is no way to fill that void with sex, it merely numbs it. It's the Vicodin to my condition.

At this point...I wouldn't mind a relationship...but I won't seek one out. I refuse to force myself to "date" and there for soil what a relationship, to me, is. I like the "love at first sight" kinda thing. When I saw her, Cupid's arrow pierced my body and went into hers, connecting us, and making an inevitable bond. Bond's can break, this is true, but I don't like to rush into these things. Relationships are not to be played with, in my opinion. If I'm going into a relationship, I have to believe it has potential to go somewhere, otherwise it's just another fix. I'm all "fixed" out...

I don't know when I will find a girl that I can have that connection with, but when I do, I know that I'll no longer feel the pain left by the gaping hole in my chest.

Get Well Soon George...

I stare at my computer sometimes wanting to write...other times I stare wondering what to do...other times...I'm compelled to write. Today...I'm compelled to write. I sleep for hours on end because there's nothing else to do. Without my car, George, I'm practically immobile. I refuse to take the train because then I get the excessive worrying from my mother. Yea yea I know it's because she cares, but it doesn't make enjoying a night that much easier when every couple of minutes I get "When are you coming home?", "Where are you?", "It's getting late.", "Are you taking the train?", "I don't want you taking the train, it's too dangerous." "I can't sleep until your home and I have work in the morning."

Really? That would annoy anybody after a while. I love my mother but sometimes the nagging isn't healthy...and that's why I've been hibernating...to avoid ALL of that. No George, no freedom, no fun.

George and I have seen some good times in the last year. He's like a middle aged man...still in working order but you know it's not gonna get any better. Thanks to George though, I've seen Coney Island many times now, I've been to this huge ass mall in NJ, I've taken a road trip to Steel Town (Pittsburgh), and driving to Buffalo. I love that car and because of me, his leg is broken and he's got some bruises.

I'm sorry for losing control of you George, I never meant to hurt you. Ima fix you up and ur gonna be good as new...hopefully.

We sometimes take things for granted, like I took my car for granted, but now I got a taste of what life is like when you fuck up...when you break something that you never appreciated, like you should have, in the first place. I'm going to take better care of George and no more irresponsible or risky decisions in that car. He's gonna take care of me, like I will take care of him. Get well soon George, everyone misses you.

Waking Up at 1am

I've exhausted myself by doing nothing. My father and I picked up his car from Connecticut today. That drive is draining. An hour and a half each way...and we went just to come straight back. It's time for me to go back to Buffalo. I love being home sometimes...seeing my friends (Desmond, Yasmin, Crystal, Steph, Chery, etc.) but at the same time...I hate being bitched at every day...getting told I'm selfish everyday, getting treated like I'm irresponsible because I got into a car accident, like I'm not the one who went through it...like I haven't beaten up myself enough already.

Women wonder why men can sit and ignore the things around them, things that are said, things that are done...No one can stand being nagged at, bitched at, or blamed ALL THE TIME. Eventually most of us grow a switch which we just turn on and tune out. Women do this too if they've gone through enough blame and bitching but it happens to men more than women. So next time your boyfriend seems like he's tuning you out (or your girlfriend) take a step back...find out why he/she is being a rude bastard and fix it like a couple should. Don't be a nagger either...no one likes that shit.

Reading over what I just wrote, that's a hell of a thought for just waking up. Sometimes free-writes can help...their not the organized "story" writing that I usually like to do but it helps to write down the way I'm feeling. I can reflect a lot better and it helps me to get over whatever I'm pissed off about. If your reading this...just remember that you don't have to take writing classes to write...you just need a story and some determination. Sigh...now I'm not tired...shit.

What Do You Want From Me?

What Do You Want From Me?

I don’t know what you want from me

You don’t want me to fail but you never help me succeed

You want me to be happy but you always make me livid

You want me to join you but you always leave me behind

I don’t know what you want from me

You want me to “be myself” but seem ashamed of me

You want me to be supportive but exclude me from your life

You want me to tell you that your beautiful but your heart makes you hideous

I know what you want from me

You want me to tell you that I love you but I can’t.


-Omar Artola

The Mound: A Pitcher’s Revelation

The Mound: A Pitcher’s Revelation

        There are many things in life that make people feel powerful: money, cars, women, etc. But to those select few, the pitching mound is the key to all power. A pitching mound is, relatively, the same everywhere you go. They’re used for the same purpose and give you that same sense of power. To understand this power, you must understand baseball and its intricacies. Baseball is a game dealing with, generally, 5 main points: reflex, skill, determination, discipline, and respect. When you’re up on that mound, another point hits you: responsibility. I have been friends with the mound since 1995 and many people don’t understand what comes with the total control of the baseball, but I do.

       The mound is not for the faint of heart. Once you’re up there, you are responsible for the tempo and the outcome for most of the game. Let me take you through the heart of a pitcher.

       Before the game starts, you warm up. You hold the baseball by its seams, wind up, and throw the ball with all your might. Now many people think pitcher’s wait for the ball to be called by the umpire to find out if it’s a strike or a ball, but the truth is the second the ball leaves your hand, you know whether it’s a good ball or it’s not. There’s not really a scientific reason for it, but you just get that warm feeling of perfection or the cold shivers of a ball that’s about to be obliterated by the batter (in that case all you do is pray it’s not a home run). While your warming up this is what you think about; it’s the pregame jitters. Warming up is not only to loosen your arm, but also it gives you a chance to mentally prepare yourself for the competition ahead.

       The moment you hear, “PLAY BALL!” shouting out the umpire’s mouth, it’s no longer a game but a fight. You walk up to the mound while the others jog to their positions. You walk because you need time to connect with the one thing that will help you win this 9 inning fight; the pitching mound. Once you reach the hump shaped dirt, you have to mold it to your comfortability. With the spikes, on the bottom of your cleats, you scrape away a spot for your foot and slip into the hole; this will give you your pitching power. With one foot on the hole and one foot on the white rubber strip, you’ve partnered up with the mound and are now ready to fight. As the game begins you see the batter walk up with his weapon of choice; a baseball bat. 2lbs of solid wood specifically made to humiliate you and make you look unskilled.

       The batter steps up, sets his stand, and challenges you with a solid glare. You return the glare, wind up, push off the mound, and throw. You’ve felt the push, you’ve felt the release of the ball, and everything seems perfect; you see the ball fly right to the catcher’s mitt. “STRIKE ONE!” yells the umpire. You tell yourself, “Two more”, and set up again. You may hear some noises in your head, “Can you do two more? Are you good enough? He’s going to hit it…” Take a deep breath, shake it off, and reset. You wind up, push off the mound, and throw. You’ve felt the push, you’ve felt the release of the ball, and, this time, you know you’ve messed up. The ball curves inside towards the batter. If it hits him, you just gave away a base, if you miss him it’s a ball. All in all, you have to be wishing for the ball. The ball zooms towards the plate and barely misses the batter. The umpire bellows, “BALL!” Now you’re a little worried about what’s going to happen next. You wind up, push off the mound, and throw. You’ve felt the push, you’ve felt the release of the ball, and it feels good. It zooms toward the catcher’s mitt, but there’s something wrong; the batter has decided that this is a good ball to swing at and he does. The bat makes solid contact with the ball. “Damn” you think, you just messed up. You remember that you’re not alone though. The ball bolts on the ground toward the second baseman; he picks catches it and throws it to the first baseman. “OUT!” roars the first base umpire. You’re saved and you still have a lot of work to do so you and the mound should get to it.

       Disrespecting the mound will always get you in trouble. I know this first hand. After I entered high school, I gave up baseball. I believed that I was wasting my time with it and that I could be doing other things. I tried other sports: volleyball, soccer, basketball, football, and many more. None of these sports filled the hole that was left from leaving baseball. My junior year of high school, I realized this and tried to go back. I stepped up on that mound, did the usual, but there was something wrong. I didn’t feel the power I usually felt; I felt weak and alone. My pitches kept getting returned, ten-fold, by the batter, and for the first time I couldn’t pitch.

       I’d lost my lifelong friend. When I abandoned the mound, it had abandoned me. It’s something that I wish I could change in my life but I can’t. The mound is helping those who’ve never abandoned it while I live my life with the thought that the days I used to be great are over, forever.

Does This Sound Relaxing to You?

One Fine Winter Evening in the Poconos

She Knocks
The Sun inches closer and closer to his departure
Green grass covered by a sheath of ice
She enters
Naked towers of wood cover what little Sun is left
Darkness engulfs everything
She smiles
Twilight gone, there is only space
The diamonds of the universe twinkle in the onyx sky
She gazes
The winter air fights with my steaming cup of hot chocolate
Body chilled to the touch, time to go inside
She walks

Fireplace snickers at my moth eaten robe
She sits
Body thawing out
She teases
I am warm in the cold
She kisses
It is summer in the winter
I am happy

The Power of Persuasion

My Superpower

       Many people say that a mind is a terrible thing to waste. In my case, my mouth is a terrible thing to waste. It all started many years ago when my mouth began to form different shapes and sound words. The mouth is one of the greatest conduits for expressing feelings and opinions. It is also a tool for manipulation.

       Over the years I have developed a skill to, most of the time, get people to do what I want. My mouth is not nervous when it is working. It does not stumble, does not freeze up, and does not falter. I have always spoken as a person who is more mature that my age would suggest. My eloquent speech always made an impression on people, interviews were a synch, and motivational speaking made more of an impact to my target audience.

       If one wonders when I truly realized that my mouth was a gift, it would have to be in December. My mother is a teacher in NYC. She teaches 7th graders, who, because they live in NYC, believe they need to be in gangs, do drugs, drink alcohol, and have sex before their even teenagers. My mother is worried about these kids and asked me to come in and shock them a little bit as I would identify a bit better than “the teacher”.  My main goal was to make sure these kids knew that I grew up in NYC and did none of what they’re doing now. Of course I was told that their families weren’t conducive to success. My main point at that time was, “It’s an excuse. I don’t want you to ‘fail’ at life and then blame everyone else but the person you really should be blaming: yourself. There have been people throughout history who have been successful and have done historic things and didn’t have the most ideal living situations. Don’t cripple yourself by making excuses on why you can’t do something, but make them into reasons why you have to be successful and do what you never thought you can do.”

       I spent about one hour talking to them and I could see them taking in what I was telling them. I’m not expecting them to instantly change their life but I do hope that it reduces the dangerous chances they take at such a young age in such a dangerous city.

       My mouth is my favorite part because it gives benefits to more people than just me. I hope my mouth continues to stay strong, intelligent, and willing to help others just like Tony Robbins, just maybe not as big.

The Hidden Darkness: Death of a Superhero

The Death of a Superhero

       “Life is something that many take for granted.” That saying is something people don’t pay attention to. Many times you need some kind of push in order to realize life isn’t guaranteed. I know this because I have one brother when I should have two. On May 13, 2002 my eldest brother, Yanny, committed suicide in NYC, where I grew up. It was the worst day of my life.

July, 2000
       Yanny was my superhero. Superheros are primarily fictional characters that you just hear stories about. It felt the same way with my brother. He was my half brother, on my father’s side, and didn’t live in the United States. When I was younger, however, I heard stories about him and saw pictures of him. When I was 10 years old my family, finally, decided to take a vacation to Nicaragua, my father’s home country. In Nicaragua I met all the cousins, the grandparents, and the aunts and uncles. With all these people I now knew, I still wasn’t happy that I had not met my brother. Four days after I arrived in Nicaragua I finally met him. It wasn’t the most traditional meeting nor was it emotional, but it was funny. It was very early in the morning when I was awoken to a calm voice saying “levantate ”. As I opened my eyes, a blurry figure appeared before me. My vision cleared and I saw the person I had waited to see my whole life; I saw Yanny. He had a smile on his face. He had a smooth, long, face with very light skin. He was 6’4’’, just like Superman but he wasn’t as muscular. His body silhouetted with the ceiling light and gave him an angelistic glow. When I saw him I didn’t say “Hi”, I didn’t cry and hug him, I just fell back asleep on his lap. As I drifted asleep I dreamt; I dreamt about growing up with Yanny, him coming to my baseball games, defending me when I got in trouble. When I awoke, I realized that they were fake memories, things I had wished happened while I was growing up but never happened. Now that we were a complete family, however, I was going to make those fake memories to real ones; I was determined to fill the hole in my life.

       The two week vacation in Nicaragua was up and we were getting packed to leave. I was very upset because that meant saying goodbye to my brother. I didn’t want to leave him now that I knew him. I pleaded with my mother to stay in Nicaragua but she didn’t budge. I couldn’t understand why we were just going to leave him. My mother then said words that made me very happy, “Yanny is coming to live with us.” “Victory!”, I thought. I ran around, laughed, and went to tell my brother Ahmed the good news. That night we all celebrated and I couldn’t wait to go back home.

       Yanny spent two years in the United States before he died. We had become very close in that short amount of time. He only stayed at our house for a couple of months after arriving. He was 22 years old and didn’t want a curfew, or rules set by my parents. He went to live with my uncle to be free from rules and that’s where the problems began. While with my uncle, Yanny started to drink. Every day he would drink until he fell asleep. When he was with me though, he wouldn’t drink. That’s how I knew that he cared about me. There were those little things that showed me that I was his brother and an important part of his life. He began to change though. His face was no longer happy, smooth, and that glow had faded. He became dark, kept to himself, and never talked to anyone about his true feelings.  I was only 12 at the time; I was mature for my age but in retrospect I couldn’t have expected a 22 year-old man to think a 12 year old boy could understand what he was going through. This was the beginning of the superhero’s downfall.


May 11, 2002
       After September 11, 2001, NYC was shaken and rattled. Everyone was on their toes about terrorism and bombs. Yanny came over for dinner. I was very excited, as always, to see my brother.  My mother sent me on an errand to the store to buy some groceries. I asked Yanny to come with me. As we left my apartment and waited for the elevator I asked him, “How are you doing?”

“Not too good”, he answered.

“Well what’s wrong?” The words that came next will haunt me till the day I die, or get Alzheimer’s.

“I’m thinking about killing myself.”

       As a 12 year-old this answer was something that I didn’t take seriously and laughed at. We both laughed, actually, and went to buy the groceries.

       In every comic book, in every movie, the superhero always needs help. Sometimes it’s from another superhero; other times by someone without powers, the last person you’d expect to be of any use. There was my chance to save the superhero and I blew it. Some would say that it was too much for a twelve year old to handle. Is that really the point though? He told me what he was going to do and I shrugged it off. All my life I look up to those who save lives, but when it was my turn to step to the plate, I chickened out.

May 13, 2002
    This is the dreadful day that I will always remember, step by step, word for word, action for action. I arrived from school at about 4:30 along with my father, who had just gotten off from work. As my father was changing into more comfortable clothing, the phone rang. I ran to pick it up. “Hello?” My uncle responded in a hysterical voice.
   
“OMAR!? YANNY’S DEAD!”
   
My heart stopped and I calmly responded, “No he’s not, I saw him two days ago.”

“YES YES! YANNY KILLED HIMSELF! HE’S DEAD!”
   
       I dropped to the floor and began to cry. Gasping for air, I crawled to my father as he screamed, “WHAT’S WRONG?”  He took the phone and I passed out. That is about two minutes of that day that I don’t remember. When my father shook me awake he said, “Get ready we’re going to Tio Miguel’s. Call your mother.”
   
       I got up and called my mother, almost choking for air as I did it. “Mommy, ‘gasp’ Yanny ‘gasp’ killed ‘gasp’ himself ‘gasp’. Dad ‘gasp’ and ‘gasp’ I ‘gasp’ are ‘gasp’ going ‘gasp’ to ‘gasp’ Tio ‘gasp’ Miguel’s.”
   
       My dad and I left soon after that. The sky was crying for its loss. The rain poured on my head as the thunder angrily roared in the heavens. My superhero was gone and the sky knew. When the first raindrop hit my face, as I left home, that’s when I knew it was real. I cried along with the sky until I reached the car. I wasn’t alone with my feelings and that calmed me down a bit. The sky followed me all the way to my brother’s house. My father got out of the car and told me to lock the door and stay in the car. I nodded emotionless, because I knew the sky would be with me. Minutes, that seemed like seconds went by.  My father returned, opened my door and sobbed in my arms. It was the first and only time I saw my father cry. “He’s dead. I can’t believe it. My baby is dead.” I could do nothing but take what should have been my father’s role and gave him a shoulder to cry on.
   
       When my brother, Ahmed and mother arrived, we all went inside the house. Yanny’s body was inside a room, and the police would not let us enter. When the police were done with their investigation, they carried out Yanny’s body in a black bag. I could see the shape of his limp body dangle from the bottom of the bag. I never thought I would see my brother dragged off to the morgue. In fact, there were many things I thought I’d never see. I never thought I’d see my mother in pain, and my father and my brother cry for the first time. Superheros don’t do that; they make people happy, they strive to help others and that’s what I thought my brother was. You see, the death of the superhero didn’t come about because he wasn’t living, but because he cause so much pain to the people, I thought, he loved and cared for the most. The hardest thing to do out of all this was to realize he wasn’t the superhero I thought he was and he wasn’t the man I thought he was, it was all just fake.
   
       I took both deaths pretty hard and to this day I’m not entirely over it. He fades from my memory a little each day. There is one thing I realized from this whole experience. I will be a superhero one day. I will love my family, I will raise my children and I will live until life says my job as a superhero is over. I will never quit and selfishly escape my duties as a superhero. I will never be like my brother.