Sunday, January 10, 2010

To the man that has everything...and nothing

I've been very fortunate throughout my life. I've met some wonderful people, had a caring family, made great friends in the past and some have become best friends in the present, and have succeeded where many have failed. I have a car, a "job", some materialistic things, a good head on my shoulders, and a demeanor that I  am proud to have grown into. All my life, the luck that I had makes me the person I am today, and for that I am grateful.

Girlfriends were something of a touchy subject with me. The idea of a girlfriend presents itself with a wide array of positives but like anything, an abundance of negatives as well. The one thing I miss about a relationship is the connection. I miss being able to talk to someone I love and feel complete and utter comfort. I like to mess around with girls but I started thinking: Do I have all this sex to fill a void where love should be present? I realize, there is no way to fill that void with sex, it merely numbs it. It's the Vicodin to my condition.

At this point...I wouldn't mind a relationship...but I won't seek one out. I refuse to force myself to "date" and there for soil what a relationship, to me, is. I like the "love at first sight" kinda thing. When I saw her, Cupid's arrow pierced my body and went into hers, connecting us, and making an inevitable bond. Bond's can break, this is true, but I don't like to rush into these things. Relationships are not to be played with, in my opinion. If I'm going into a relationship, I have to believe it has potential to go somewhere, otherwise it's just another fix. I'm all "fixed" out...

I don't know when I will find a girl that I can have that connection with, but when I do, I know that I'll no longer feel the pain left by the gaping hole in my chest.

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