Hypocrisy

To those of you that read my blog a lot, I apologize for not having written in a while. There have just been moments of fatigue for me and like Niche said, "even the strongest have their moments of fatigue" and boy have I been fucking fatigued.

Yesterday I was talking with a friend of memories past and thinking of my high school days. Boy did some shit come out. We talked about my earlier life in middle school, junior high, and high school. In middle school and junior high I was short and kinda round. I wasn't exactly the guy girls would look at and be like, "OMG he's so cute. Do you think he likes me?" I was more the guy girls would talk to and say, "OMG...everyone else but you is soo cute. Do you think any of them like me?" It was hard to have real confidence when you're that young and nothing really works for you. You see everyone making out...your fat friends, your geeky friends (yup), your violent friends, and even your best friend. Everyone locked in moments of passion...and you...creepy as shit just stand there and watch and wonder why that's not you. Sigh....4th to 8th grade with that crap.

Then there was high school...and this is where the conversation got interesting. When I got to high school i figured things would be different. People wouldn't really know me and the stigma of me being the short pudgy kid would go away; negative. High school was basically the same shit. Let me explain to you what my problem was. There were gangsters, drug dealers, psychopaths, and ASSHOLES in my high school. ALL of them hooked up with girls. I got my first kiss, at 14, with a girl I actually wanted to kiss...but i fucked that up. Telling someone they taste like chicken after a kiss isn't funny and doesn't help the mood so kids...don't do that shit. What used to really annoy me is the guys that were the biggest assholes in the world getting the hottest girls in school. The reason that people call sexy girl airheads...is because of that shit. When a guy is known for being an asshole...for playing girls...for cheating on girls...for talking shit behind their backs...for blatently being someone dispicable...you probably shouldn't go out with them. Oh what's that dumb pretty girl? Oh you're already dating him? Oh he's different with you? Oh he's calling you? Ok call me back........*Ring ring* Hey that was fast. Oh he broke up with you? He cheated on you? With your best friend? And bragged about it? And your best friend didn't tell you? And your hurt because he didn't seem to care? You want me to make you feel better? FUCK YOU! You should have known what you were getting youself into because everyone told you and frankly if you didn't know what kind of guy he was...you had no business dating him and this is now your punishment. Had you gone out with a guy who doesn't do any of that shit...you'd probably be happy and smiling and if you're really lucky you could be in love but noooo that guy isn't your type. That's because your type of guy has to spit on you in order for you to like him. You enjoy yourself then.

Woo...that felt good =) That was a lot of pent up anger towards girls in general. They go out with public assholes and then complain that they weren't treated right or that they are...what's that?...oh right...ASSHOLES! The hypocrisy is that they want a good guy so bad...and yet they go for all the guys who are exciting and stab people on the weekends for kicks and giggles. I told one girl who I had a crush on this yesterday and she said...well you never stepped up and told me. My response was...would it have made a difference? Would we have dated had I told you how I felt? She had no response...because as much as people don't want to follow the norms of high school...they exist and they subliminally run many high schoolers right into the arms of guys who will simply give them the clap.

Then the miracle happened...I got a real girlfriend and it felt like a real relationship at the age of 16. I tried to be the type of boyfriend I always dreamed of being. She was the first girl I bought a present for, the first to receive flowers (fake but baby steps right?) from me, the first girl I called my valentine. She was the first girl I had sex with and she was the first girl who crushed my itty bitty heart. After dating for 3 months...she decided to tell me she cheated on me with a guy from church. Wow...talk about fucked up. In the end it didn't work out...and we broke up. At that point I didn't think I was ready to be a boyfriend...and that what I had to offer required me to find a girl that I needed to take my time with. Get to know her and figure out what I want. I'm no where near done but some responses would be great. I'll finish this later. Gotta organize some more thoughts. This is a amuse bouche of what is yet to come.